Zombies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted in Cool Stuff, Film Stuff, Funny Stuff, Geek Stuff by EddyWoot
It’s Friday, we’re all itching for the weekend to start, so naturally the conversation in the creative team has turned to Zombies. Lock 5 people in a room together for long enough and it’s bound to happen (try it for yourself. You should probably ask the other peoples permission before you lock the door or you’re going to get in a lot of trouble).
Now, when discussing zombies, some ground rules have to be set: first off we’re talking Romero zombies NOT haitian folk lore zombies. Secondly, zombies can and do not run. Ever. As Simon Pegg once wrote, “Death is a disability, not a superpower. It’s hard to run with a cold, let alone the most debilitating malady of them all. “. Forget what you saw in the Dawn of the Dead remake, it wouldn’t happen. There’d be bits falling off with every footstep and they’d be reduced to a mass of quivering blubber by the time they got within 10 feet of you.
So what does one do when the zombie apocalypse finally arrives? Luckily, I’m one of those jammy people who lives in a house with bars on the window (I live in a dodgy part of London), but the front and backdoor pose a bit of a security concern. Pile 10 or 20 zombies up against them and they’d burst open like John Hurt’s chest, leaving the grateful undead free to run amok in my sitting room while me and the missus cower upstairs, no doubt hiding under the quilt in a misguided attempt at keep “the bad things” away (we all revert to our 3 year old selves when faced with horror movie scenarios). And that would be it – we’d be strolling around the town centre with the rest of them in no time, eyes fixed with a vacant glazed expression and on the hunt for human flesh.
However, being the forward planner that I am, I have strategically placed my bookshelf right beside the backdoor and moved my tool box downstairs. As soon as the news lets slip even a whiff of the impending zombie takeover I’m fixing that sucker over the door and screwing it into place. Let’s see them open the door now. As for the front, it’s nothing a filing cabinet or two can’t fix. Mrs Woot has been nagging me to take it upstairs for the last couple of months, but she’ll soon change her mind when London all goes a bit Lucio Fulci.
I once lived in Stoke with someone who’s strategy was so brilliantly misguided that I’ve been waiting for it to show up in the next Schlockbuster at Halloween: Ride around town on a skateboard popping caps in zombies with a shotgun. The two things that struck me as problematic were the availability of a shotgun in the Trent Vale, and my friends ability to cope with the recoil mid skate. It would be great to watch on the big screen though, wouldn’t it?
Have you prepared for a Zombie Scenario? We’d love for you to let us know. So get creative in the comments section. Who knows – we might all learn something from each other.
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Preparartions for the Zombie apocalypse started a number of years ago for me.
I first started by bonding with friends that would be good in possible blood and guts decapitation scenarios and who would be willing to kill me at the first sign of my turning to the undead ( those atributes go hand in hand funnily enough)
I then began ranking houshold items as weapons on a 1-100 scal e.g. toaster bad ranked 99 ,giant garden maintaining scythe ranked number 1!!
Still trying to build up supplies though- enternal Irn Bru and wagon wheel supplies are hard to come by in London
REMOVE THE HEAD OR DESTROY THE BRAIN
urrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhh
[...] seems that zombies are the least of our worries – dinosaurs have invaded [...]
I was wondering if the uncle sam zombie picture was yours…..if so I was wondering if I could have permission to use the image for a project.
Ok absolute household essentials when under attack from a legion of zombies…
Food sources:
Squash is a big no no! you cant drink the water coz its full of zombie gunk and the fastest way to get infected other than being bitten!
Ice cream…always good helps when you feel low, helps when you feel high, usually after a kill, and helps for that quick sugar pick me up you need after ruuning for your life
Bottled water, deffo an esential…if you have this then your ok to have squash.
Pot noodle! as long as your kettle still works your ok to boil the tap water and you have pasta for carbs
Weapons:
Curtain rail
Axe
String
Put all of these together with the string and youve got the perfect weapon for killing zombies, without having to get within bitting range!
Never stay with friends, in the end they will just get you bitten, all you need is Guitar Hero and an xbox 360 you can keep friends but talk to them online, that way you can watch their sorry asses getting killed, from a safe distance.
BUT MOST OF ALL you must have a Border Collie! Have you noticed how dogs never get bitten by zombies! and you can train it to go out to the shops to buy more potnoodle and squash…also for those of you who struggle without a companion…..hmmmm nah even in the face of a zombie attack animal love is most definately a NO NO!!!
Step 1- be prepared before the zombies come. Stock canned and bottled water and dried fruits and tined food as it cannot go off. Remember to allocate 20% extra water for washing needs.
Step 2- Destroy the staircase. If you live in a house, chop through the staircase so the zombies cannot walk up it. Also use this tactic for Daleks.
If you live in flats or have concrete stairs, barricade it so nothing can come up or down.
Step 3- We’re in Britain not in a small Yank town. Therefore guns are mostly out. Make sure you have a long reaching bladed weapon or a bow to hack off the head of a zombie. In emergency, a broom handle with a kitchen knife securely fastened can act as a spear.
Step 4- Supply yourself with matches, candles and books. If the electricity goes out, you need light and heat, plus mateiral. Reading engages the brain better anyway. After reading you also have emergency fuel.
I’ve always wondered if zombies can swim, if not, get a ferry or a yacht, fill it up and stock it up, rigourously check people for signs of infection or bites – someone usually tries to cover it up – and veto any idiots who decide they know best and are going to turn a gun on everyone in a lunatical rage when there’s a conflict. That always happens.
Plenty of beds, facilities and entertainment, no barricades needed! Probably takes all the fun out of it though.
[...] had a couple of interesting comments relating to our tactics for surviving the Zombie Apocalypse and, with more than a little smugness, we’d like to think we’re now well-versed in the [...]
ok, if there was a zombie apolocypse I would analyze the situation, it depends on the type of zombie. Everyone assumes zombies are slow lumbering creatures which completley stupid and are only interested in biting new victims. however what do you do if the zombie has incredible speed, or thinks through situatuions? many ideas would fail as clever zombies can open doors!
The first step would be to secure the area around you, set traps, board windows and doors and make sure you have a plan of escape in case the structure is breeched (if you have enough time set zones around the area with traps in them for example a trap which sets off alarms would be best on the perimeter so you have time to mobilise should a attack occur, a trap such as a firewall should be set in the inner side of the perimeter as a deterant)
secondly, food/water supplies. many houses now have cupboards full of tins, stay away from thawed meat from the freezer or the fridge (we will assume the power is out) as it can make you sick. however there will be a time when you need supplies. if you are on your own this can be dangerous as you have no cover. If you are with others use them as lookouts and use the car to make trips. (best place is proberly the supermarket and other peoples houses and once again loot the tins.) with regards to water all bugs can be killed by boiling water, the only place that should not to be contaminated is the rivers and streams. check the area around the river, if it looks natural and untouched and if you can see living animals in the water you can be pretty sure its safe to drink (as long as it is boiled) and not contaminated by zombie virus.
on the matter of weaponry lets assume you are in your house when the zombies attack. many people have given ideas to build weapons and that you can kill a zombie by desroying the brain or the heart. however i would like to pick up the point that a zombie is primarily DEAD! what use is a brain or a heart if it is not functioning? why if it is destroyed does it destroy the zombie? the clear fact is a zombie cannot be killed as they are already dead and the chances of you destroying the virus within is very small. you are better defending your area and if a way to destroy them is found, by all means fight.
finally we all have the awful decsion about what to do when zombies are not attacking? first rather than worrying about reading and playing on my DS i would re fortify my defences, gather food and water and finally i would gather wood for heat. (nature is fantastic when it comes to things like this you can get food from the trees and ground pretty much all year long as long as you cook it first and you know where to look)by then i would be too knackered to do anything else!
and the last thing you need is the best of british luck! i personally would make sure i would have a good drink, a toast to the end of the world and as always, plenty of toilet roll.
Up until now I’d considered my self a bit of a freak for having considered what I should do in case of a zombie attack, and had only raised this with a few v close friends. Thank you for sharing, I feel so much better now.
Right then, I’ve had a few ideas including:
-hiding out my local residents association office, as it has metal security shutters on windows and doors and is across the road from a number of (food) shops.
-Hide out in a high rise block of flats, which have electronic controlled access. Problem there is that some moron will probably buzz a zombie in.
This next one goes back to an earlier comment wondering if zombies can swim.
-My partner is renovating a (river cruiser style) boat. Therefore if a zombie apocalypse was imminent, we could leg it out of town, hop on the boat and stay relatively close to essential supplies such as fuel, food, water, providing zombies can’t swim/paddle. My only other problem with this is that it seems a bit selfish, in theory I could get back to most of my family and friends within a couple of hours and offer upto 5-6 of them a space on the boat. This may seem like I’m asking for trouble but seen as most of my strategies involve hiding I could really do with involving somebody who has a longer term/more confrontational approach.
well, that’s all well and good, i live in the US, and have some fairly good ideas of my own. 1) find a gun; nearly everyone has a gun of some kind whether its a pistol, rifle or carbine. i would get the largest caliber gun that can have a reasonable supply of ammunition (50.cal machine gun is a no no because, where in the hell will i find hundreds of rounds of 50. cal ammo?!) this will let me do maximum possible damage (even if zombies cant be killed, they cant move very fast with their arms, legs and head blown off). 2) then i would find the most remote place possible, probably a multi-story house or skyscraper, destroy the stairs, fire escapes elevators etc. and have only 1 easy to destroy escape root (a tall ladder that can be stuck out of a 3rd story window or some such thing). and as to total destruction of said zombies? several gallons of gasoline or kerosene will do nicely if combined with a match. screw placing alarms! that would attract every zombie within miles to your location, and i don’t think anybody can compete with that much of a numerical disadvantage! as for early warning, get some friends! by god, 10 trustworthy friends who are good shots will be worth it even if one gets infection. they will keep you safe, help with supply gathering, and will be able to help you if you get sick with a normal virus or bacteria.
Anyone else TOTALLY looking forward to the Zombie Apocalypse?! I want Kire on my team.
guns, yes you would want at least a rifle. but think, the sound of gun fire going off continuesly, is going to attract zombies to you as well, think, WHEN you run out of food and you need to hunt, your going to need to save those rounds, useing some when you get surprised by a zombie is alright, but you mainly want to rely on your main weapon, some sort of sword or machette or an axe, nothing that is so big and bulky it’s going to make you tired quickly, but is also going to get the job done. setting them on fire will just make a walking torch. remember: remove the head or destroy the brain. barracading your self in a strong “zombie proof” place is good, but once they know your in there they will surround the place untill there is to many to kill, so you need to be careful and try to be inconspicuous. in the zombie apocalypse all the rules go out the window, as soon as the smallest thing hits the fan you need medicine, food, camping supplies, clothing and TOILET ROLLS!!!, and if someone is standing in your way,and is too stubborn to accept what is happening, zombie or not, they need to be removed, survival of the fittes. i’d probably go to my work, a retirement home, tons of food, and water, even back up emergency food and water, all the doors and windows have locks and alarms, some with bars, (they dont want the old people to escape) and even metal doors. the ones with out bars, there are pleanty of tables, nails and hammers to block them up. yea, there would be a lot of people in there but when the crap hits the fan, they will be running for their familys not thinking about their own saftey, granted me too, but i’ve been thinking and preparing for the apocalypse for a while. the old people… it’s sad, but again, survival of the fittes, you dont want to commit un -neccary homicide, but as soon as they get too sick or get infected, take them out no hesitation. anyone who comes there for help, check them over, everywhere, with out being perverted to make sure some dummie isn’t trying to hide a bite, and they need to bring something to the table that will help you out too, cant afford to feed another mouth if they are going to be useless. try to wait it out for a couple days, because things will settle down a little, most looting will probable stop (because they got eaten), and just try to be a scavenger, take anything that may be left over, candels, lighters or matches. books to read or as fuel. batteries, alcohol!!! but don’t get drunk, then your screwed
By reading this and many other forums around the net discussing this same situation I am convinced that movies have tainted our abilities to act like a rational human being that wants to live in the ecent of the zombie apocolypse. first things first. day one…… stay inside. you have enough food to get you through a day or two….so just sit tight and board up the inside. you have 40 gallons of drinking water in a standard hot water heater. after a day or two there will be a lull depending on the time frame of change after being bitten. when the lull does happen…. get out of town. duh. think about it….. how crowded is it where you live? Google your locations polulation….. convert say 50% into zombies….I am going to take a wild guess and say the number is pretty dang high. besides the fact that you will also have to deal with gangs of people who are taking anything by force to stay alive and will kill you for what you have. go to google earth today and find a location way outside of town… preferable something hilly or in the mountains with a natural source of water. and go there…..I suggest stealing a new vehicle…and r.v. is a great choice…. go to a nearby dealership…and take a new one…look for deisel.( regular gas is hard to make but you can make deisel farely easily.) the r.v. is good because you dont need to leave to do anything…..till you get to your location…. and when you do get there it will give you a safe place to sleep that can drive away in an emergency. as far as weapons go guns are nice…. but need to be reloaded. and make a lot of noise……. my suggestion.. baseball bat….. smash the skull. blades can catch bone and stick….. if you have a bow and arrow it might be pretty good. you can reuse ammo…. and its silent… though you will have to practice a lot to be very good. I am writing a good currently that focus on the first week of a zombie apocolypse and I thank you for info I did learn here.
we are a metalcore band prepping for an apocalypse check out our music “Zombie Death Campaign” http://www.reverbnation.com/adaywortdyingfor. Also would like to use this image for our next batch of band shirts. wanted to get permission first. pleeeeeaaaaasssssseeee!!!
A blade or shotgun is not the way to go since the zombies blood will splatter all over you and infect you. Go with a baseball bat
. To barricade yourself is also not the way to go since you will need to go out eventually and if there is thousands of zombies around your home trying to get in, well.. then your fucked 
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